I stand here Outside of myself And watch me Commence the journey Into venerable vulnerability- At least that’s what the young call it; It doesn’t feel venerable yet.
I watch with surprise- This old body that once could stave off All manner of ailment and bounce back Stronger, Now fights a succession of infections On a pilgrimage to commune with the Bones Of my once stately cathedral.
I stand here Outside of myself And watch me Cry through the loss. Like an ancient willow wailing Over limbs taken by thankless winds, I feel the phantom sensations of my Coveted limbs-
Strength Endurance Agility
If I stand here Outside of myself long enough I will see green-leafed limbs Poke through the paneless windows Of the bone cathedral-
Patience Acknowledgement (what is is) Letting-go
I stand here Outside of myself Awestruck by this holy episode We call life.
At some point in our spiritual journey we may feel the terror of falling into empty space without a net. Without landing. Just falling, falling, falling. Until we hear that voice of the divine, “I’ve got ya.”
I experienced this dream as a child, plagued by the fallout of PTSD. I can’t identify when I heard the voice or how it manifested, but the dream stopped. Instead of falling into empty space my spirit began expanding to reclaim it. No doubt my daytime world had become safer. No doubt I had discovered the Divine.
Sometimes the voice has to rise above some unhealthy ego chattering and I don’t hear it, but I know it’s always there. Perhaps the spiritual journey is a journey toward embracing the fall. Like the nimbleness of a child whose muscles and bones relax into a fall, we train our spirits to be nimble and let go.
Something for us to ponder today. Blessings on you and yours.
I love Rile because he responded with integrity to the call he heard from the country of uncertainty. We have no control over that call. We especially have no control over it in this time of pandemic. I am, at least sometimes successfully, choosing to embrace the uncertainty and the lessons it offers me. It’s a good end-of-this-life practice, I think. Luke’s story of the prodigal son is here
The Departure of the Prodigal Son
To go forth now from all the entanglement that is ours and yet not ours, that, like the water in an old well, reflects us in fragments, distorts what we are.
From all that clings like burrs and brambles— to go forth and see for once, close up, afresh, what we had ceased to see— so familiar it had become. To glimpse how vast and how impersonal is the suffering that filled your childhood.
Yes, to go forth, hand pulling away from hand. Go forth to what? To uncertainty, to a country with no connections to us and indifferent to the dramas of our life.
What drives you to go forth? Impatience, instinct, a dark need, the incapacity to understand.
To bow to all this. To let go— even if you have to die alone.
Is this the start of a new life?
New Poems
Rainer Maria Rilke in A Year with Rilke Translated and Edited by Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows
My seven-year-old self often sat Settled under the swaying, trailing branches Of the weeping willow that stood guard In the center of her backyard.
The wispy caresses of the supple branches Danced on the gentle wind, Soughing a message unheard On the other, unsettled wind That gusted through the house-
You are loved. You are whole.
My seventy-five year old self Now sits before a willow weeping For a world not supple, A world bending to its breaking point. Trailing branches whip and slap, Howls replace affirming whispers.
The weeping will wane With every sway of every branch. Hope will caress us again. Weeping and rejoicing are One. Live through each, You become the Other.
Effacement
Is a golden gun.
It was not easy to hold it against my head
And fire!
I needed great faith in my master
To suffocate myself
With his holy bag
Full of truth.
I needed great courage
To go out into the dark
Tracking God into the unknown
And not panic or get lost
In all the startling new scents, sounds,
Sights,
Or lose my temper
Tripping on those scheming
Night and day around me.
Hafiz,
Effacement is the emerald dagger
You need to plunge
Deep into yourself upon
This path to divine Recovery—
Upon this path
To God.
efface[ ih-feys ]
verb (used with object), ef·faced, ef·fac·ing.
to wipe out; do away with; expunge:
to efface one’s unhappy memories.
to rub out, erase, or obliterate (outlines, traces, inscriptions, etc.).
to make (oneself) inconspicuous; withdraw (oneself) modestly or shyly.
Dictionary.com
Response
Ever So Dear Hafiz,
In principle I experience this experience you’ve opened up for us; however, as a creature of the twenty-first century and one schooled in psychology, I am compelled to qualify. For me, it is the unhealthy manifestations of ego that I seek to efface, not my Self, the deepest self where divinity makes its home, if I let it.
With that said, dear sage, I now offer a way beyond this pandemic surging through our world today. In spite of the attention many pay to the needs of the common good, this virus has also unleashed a dis-ease of the worst kind. It has loosened the already tentative grip we had on the virtue of selflessness. Ego selfishness gravely threatens body and soul.
So, yes, let us efface, I say. Let us efface selfishness and greed and take on the posture of a parent who would sacrifice anything for the good of their child. We are all one another’s child now. Let us walk this path to “Divine Recovery” together.
How do we cope with the pace of covid 19? This poem was my outlet. It is heavy, but the times are heavy and allowing myself to feel puts me in solidarity with the suffering of others, and my own suffering. I hold all of you in my prayer.
Respite (Upon seeing Aid Units take neighbors to hospitals)
Last night Lopsided Luna Had shrunk to a sliver While I rested safely In the crook of her crescent elbow.
Yet today, as sometimes happens here, Sol soars above the Salish Sea In full, bold brilliance Prompting squints to soothe and temper. But try as we might to temper traffic- The Aid Units keep on coming.
How I long to stagger the relentless surge Of this viral onslaught. Let me linger longer in that calm crescent cave Where raw sadness can live its way back to hope, Where I can hone the creed That all is well- Regardless.
C. Rita Hemmer Kowats 4-20-2020 Birthday of my father George J. Kowats +1988
I contradaioli dell'Oca a Siena intonano dalle loro case il Canto della Verbena. Per esorcizzare la paura, per sentirsi meno soli. Città che nella difficoltà si riscoprono comunità. Questo virus passerà, noi ce la faremo, e saremo più uniti e più forti di prima.#iorestoacasapic.twitter.com/jgXCL8aGfo
Quarantined Italians Sing To One Another Across Empty Sreets
“False alarm, everybody…turns out the coronavirus only kills old people.” @ahleuwu
Laura Dorwart, Ph.D. on Twitter: “Trying to claim disabled people aren’t regularly and systemically devalued, disposed of and dehumanized is pretty tough given all the “don’t worry, Real People won’t die, only Non-People like old and disabled people will.”
Gov. Jay Inslee Wednesday 3-11 Seattle in response to a reporter’s question about the penalties for those who ignore social distancing mandates. “Penalty is you might be killing your grandad if you don’t do it.”
Elderly and disabled persons, among other groups, are often considered disposable. I do not refer to the medical community which has to make necessary decisions about who lives and who dies in extreme emergencies. I mean us. Let’s take the word “only” out of these discussions about covid-19.Instead, we could say, “primarily affects…”
Disposable
The Common Good lurks Under a subterfuge of denial:
Only the old die. Only the disabled die. Only the poor die.
Come back, Common Good. Cast your expected aura Of empathy-energy around us. Redeem our frightened and frazzled spirits.
So many of you either have already, or are now experiencing the fallout of Covid-19. I am a seventy-five year old with a compromised immune system, recovering from flu and sitting in the epicenter of the outbreak north of Seattle WA,USA. I think of you all much more lately, believe me! Your courage and faithfulness to spiritual practice sustains me and lifts me up.
I have developed the practices below as a way to remain at peace and to balance the lack of control with the power of spiritual action. My list of people and places to protect grows with each day. These are the people and places I hold in light:
Thank you for whispering a quick blanket protection for us.
My sister and her husband My nieces and nephews My sister-in-law and everyone at her memory care center, including the families My spiritual director and soul sister My church campus, staff, our neighbors there without a roof over them Members of my geographical house church Life Care Center in Kirkland where nine have died and others are infected The hospital where my friend works and my friend and herself The 50+ Apartment building where I reside Myself My friends
Protection Ritual For This Time Of Epidemic
Ground yourself using whatever ways help you. Begin when you are ready:
Spirit of divine, cauterizing light,
Surround this place (name) and/or person (name) with your brilliant, healing light. Above, below, behind, in front, around and around.
(Imagine the swirling light banking and building heat and sending it throughout this person and/or place. Imagine that this spirit light is brooding in the center of this place/person)
Spirit Light, brood within them. Generate healing light and warmth. May they be free of all dis-ease. May they be free from harm. May they be happy and peaceful. May they be strong and healthy. May they take care of themselves with joy.
May it be so. Amen.
Protection Ritual For Yourself If You Are Sick
Susanne has recommended the Insight Timer free meditation app on Google play. My favorite music is “Delta Waves and Oceanic Sounds.” I like it because I can sync my breathing with the ebb and flow of the waves and because it is unobtrusive.
Inhaling, I breathe in healing energy. Exhaling I send it to every place in my body that needs healing (to my mind as well, in an effort to dispel fear and anxiety). Inhaling I gather up all sick energy from my body. Exhaling I send it down to the earth where it can be renewed.
Thank you for your patience, friends. Regardless of my absence on this page, you have been present to me in spirit. This morning I sat with the I Ching and asked spirit what to share with you, and I received for present #29 Dangerous Depths and for future, #43 Determination. It is great wisdom about taking risks and handling the danger inherent in some situations, especially where evil and negativity underlie human affairs. The following practice is very helpful to me; I hope you find it so.
A Protection Practice for Dealing With Negative Energy
Breathe your body and soul into a relaxed, safe space. The meditations and music on the google play app Insight Timer https://insighttimer.com/ are helpful.
Call upon your personal angels if you know them, and on traditional ones: Raphael, Michael, Gabriel and Ariel. If angels hold no meaning for you, invoke other protectors that do.
Ask them to surround you with divine light, creating a buffer zone of loving protection. Ask them to let nothing pass through this zone, either from you or into you, that is not intended for the greatest good. Imagine the divine light wrapping around you, warming you from inside out around you, before you, behind you, under you.
Rest in that protective embrace for awhile. Make a conscious decision to try to dissipate negative attitudes in yourself before they pass through to others. Sending loving kindness to yourself helps with this most human of struggles.
Throughout your day return to the safety of that light.
